Yeah, today was...well, flashback to this morning and yesterday evening;
So, I really wanted to make a change today at school. I wanted to be the best person I could be. Let everything out. So I made a list of what I would do today. And I completed it. No-one noticed my kind doings (Seriously, I count giving out 19 compliments and I get three in return, but at least it made me feel good),
And here was my list;
give 18 compliments. (Can't even remember which people but I remember meaning what I said, and I felt good about giving these compliments, it made me happy)
Wave at a friend (Waved to Carryn)
Ignore a bully (Phoebe)
Stick up for someone. (I stuck up for Megan when Diana was bossing her around, - btw, these are girls in my school)
Smile randomly. (This I did to people I don't usually hang with, and they returned it, which gave me a good mood).
Invite someone to lunch (I did this with Iona, but she didn't really understand what I meant, but still, I just sat with Carryn. I was planning on asking Laura M. the girl who everyone hates because they say she looks like a fish [I don't judge by looks btw neither does my group of friends Nad, Carry & Grace] but she wasn't in today)
Be proud of yourself for the kindness (I'll move onto that).
And I did a range of other stuff. But at the begining of art, I was slowly feeling - that everything, everything I had put so much effort in was falling to peices. Phoebe had noticed, as I had smiled at her before lessons, hoping she wouldn't be horrible again. But no, she knew I was changing a bit of my personality and she really, desperately wanted to frustrate me. I had just completed my list (I told no-one about this list apart from Carryn, Phoebe didn't know, but she could tell I was suddenly 'nicer'). She came up to me, smiling sarcastically, saying "Hi, Sophie, you're so boring." { Don't ask about the Sophie part} She then spread a rumour I prank-called her, when yesterday my phone broke because she sent me 5 prank calls saying she was Carryn so she could know all my secrets. To get even, I regret, I prank called her back saying I was 'Sophie'. So she spread all this rumour, I pranked called her, without mentioning she broke my phone prank calling me first, let alone FIVE times. Least of my problems, she locked me out of the Art block, and I was really worried I'd be late or something, what If I couldn't get in for the whole art lesson? Nad (you rock, and thanks!) then pushed the door open, angry at Phoebe and wanting her to stop, and I was let in. I don't think anyone saw but Phoebe then grabbed my arm after I accidently pulled her hair, and it hurt a lot. She then, Oh then, poured my water bottle all over the floor. Then, THEN. I couldn't contain myself, I forgot the list, and approached her, screaming so loud in her face so that the entire group of dinner ladies rushed forward and jumped with fright.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! I'D LIKE YOU TO STOP NOW! JUST STOP, STOP! I HATE YOU SO SO MUCH PHOEBE, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR TOO LONG! I HATE YOU, JUST STOP TRYING TO FRUSTRATE ME!" I screamed so loud my voice hurt, and everyone came out of queing, turning to me, but I wasn't even looking. I didn't even know what I had done 'till I ran out of the classroom where we were queueing to come in, and burst into explosive crying, running behind a locker. I couldn't even stop. Nad, Iona, Megan and the lot (the good side) came running after me, but it had been to sudden and I didn't know what had happened. I cannot tell you the fury that had run through me as I screeched at Phoebe, looking into her ignorant face. It wasn't even me, I just..exploded. It all ran through me, and It was louder than you can imagine. So many people thought there was a murdering or something, and Phoebe just stood there, just, just with her eyes bulging. She was utterly taken-a-back. And I'm glad I did it. She's stopped it now. Those minutes I exploded I was filled with anger, with fury, embaressment as two teachers came running, hearing my bellowing (and even if the teachers implied I had anger problems), I realized, why am I crying? I have completed the last thing on my list. I had become proud of myself, that I had peace now. It took me the whole art lesson to realize that, and lots of understanding chats with Iona, but I have a clear concscience, and Phoebe is scared to go near me now, because she knows if she tries to bully me anymore, that happens again. The teachers coming up was real embaressing, and Nadia and Iona tried to hint to the teachers I had every right to scream at horrid Phoebe, but, you know what? Why does it matter? As for the kindness list, I will repeat it over and over again, doing each thing on the list, every day.
So, I really wanted to make a change today at school. I wanted to be the best person I could be. Let everything out. So I made a list of what I would do today. And I completed it. No-one noticed my kind doings (Seriously, I count giving out 19 compliments and I get three in return, but at least it made me feel good),
And here was my list;
give 18 compliments. (Can't even remember which people but I remember meaning what I said, and I felt good about giving these compliments, it made me happy)
Wave at a friend (Waved to Carryn)
Ignore a bully (Phoebe)
Stick up for someone. (I stuck up for Megan when Diana was bossing her around, - btw, these are girls in my school)
Smile randomly. (This I did to people I don't usually hang with, and they returned it, which gave me a good mood).
Invite someone to lunch (I did this with Iona, but she didn't really understand what I meant, but still, I just sat with Carryn. I was planning on asking Laura M. the girl who everyone hates because they say she looks like a fish [I don't judge by looks btw neither does my group of friends Nad, Carry & Grace] but she wasn't in today)
Be proud of yourself for the kindness (I'll move onto that).
And I did a range of other stuff. But at the begining of art, I was slowly feeling - that everything, everything I had put so much effort in was falling to peices. Phoebe had noticed, as I had smiled at her before lessons, hoping she wouldn't be horrible again. But no, she knew I was changing a bit of my personality and she really, desperately wanted to frustrate me. I had just completed my list (I told no-one about this list apart from Carryn, Phoebe didn't know, but she could tell I was suddenly 'nicer'). She came up to me, smiling sarcastically, saying "Hi, Sophie, you're so boring." { Don't ask about the Sophie part} She then spread a rumour I prank-called her, when yesterday my phone broke because she sent me 5 prank calls saying she was Carryn so she could know all my secrets. To get even, I regret, I prank called her back saying I was 'Sophie'. So she spread all this rumour, I pranked called her, without mentioning she broke my phone prank calling me first, let alone FIVE times. Least of my problems, she locked me out of the Art block, and I was really worried I'd be late or something, what If I couldn't get in for the whole art lesson? Nad (you rock, and thanks!) then pushed the door open, angry at Phoebe and wanting her to stop, and I was let in. I don't think anyone saw but Phoebe then grabbed my arm after I accidently pulled her hair, and it hurt a lot. She then, Oh then, poured my water bottle all over the floor. Then, THEN. I couldn't contain myself, I forgot the list, and approached her, screaming so loud in her face so that the entire group of dinner ladies rushed forward and jumped with fright.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! I'D LIKE YOU TO STOP NOW! JUST STOP, STOP! I HATE YOU SO SO MUCH PHOEBE, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR TOO LONG! I HATE YOU, JUST STOP TRYING TO FRUSTRATE ME!" I screamed so loud my voice hurt, and everyone came out of queing, turning to me, but I wasn't even looking. I didn't even know what I had done 'till I ran out of the classroom where we were queueing to come in, and burst into explosive crying, running behind a locker. I couldn't even stop. Nad, Iona, Megan and the lot (the good side) came running after me, but it had been to sudden and I didn't know what had happened. I cannot tell you the fury that had run through me as I screeched at Phoebe, looking into her ignorant face. It wasn't even me, I just..exploded. It all ran through me, and It was louder than you can imagine. So many people thought there was a murdering or something, and Phoebe just stood there, just, just with her eyes bulging. She was utterly taken-a-back. And I'm glad I did it. She's stopped it now. Those minutes I exploded I was filled with anger, with fury, embaressment as two teachers came running, hearing my bellowing (and even if the teachers implied I had anger problems), I realized, why am I crying? I have completed the last thing on my list. I had become proud of myself, that I had peace now. It took me the whole art lesson to realize that, and lots of understanding chats with Iona, but I have a clear concscience, and Phoebe is scared to go near me now, because she knows if she tries to bully me anymore, that happens again. The teachers coming up was real embaressing, and Nadia and Iona tried to hint to the teachers I had every right to scream at horrid Phoebe, but, you know what? Why does it matter? As for the kindness list, I will repeat it over and over again, doing each thing on the list, every day.
[PrincessWOWness..♥ - maybe for the time being, at peace with herself]
That would have been really scary: the whole screaming match.
ReplyDeleteGood on you for the kindness list.
It's good to be able to confront people that we have problems/issues with.
You must have been crying because you were so relieved.
Keep on doing everything on the kindness list.